2B3C757D-E838-4503-BB7D-DD46C41D4811.jpeg
 

SIMON HAS A LOT OF OPINIONS. NONE OF THEM ARE HUMBLE. 

Most of his opinions are about films. This is because he feels closer to his favourite films than he does to most other human beings. Please don’t suggest he gets medical help for this. He doesn’t want any help. Instead he just wants to watch films, talk about them, and then watch some more films.

Simon also loves books. So much so that he writes them as well as reads them. He’s written several novels, some aimed at children, some aimed at grown-ups (grown-ups rather than adults, as the latter term implies a smuttier type of fiction which Simon hasn’t put his hand to. Stop sniggering…). He writes for other people, and if he happens to like his writing, then that’s a bonus.

In addition to loving films and books, Simon loves not to be around other people. He prefers big empty spaces bereft of other humans. Like Dartmoor. Or the vast cold, vacuum of space.

Simon also isn’t interested in sport, especially not football or golf. In fact, Simon’s interest in football is comparable to his love for Adolf Hitler, ie non-existent. As for his hatred for golf, it’s better not to delve into the reasons, as the resultant outbursts of borderline PTSD can be a tad vehement.

Other ways to really annoy Simon include using a mobile phone in a cinema. Or pronouncing words like schedule the American way. Unless you are American. Then you are permitted to do so.

Outside of his immediate family, Simon has occasionally located human beings with whom he is slightly more at ease. Sam is one of those human beings. That’s why he talks to her on these podcasts.

Simon has had a somewhat peculiar life. He may sometimes allude to incidents from his past, so please bear with him if he grinds an axe about religiously oppressive environments. 

Above all, please bear in mind that despite everything you hear on these podcasts, Simon means well.